Hospitalization this weekend

My last 2 post were about her not having her medication. She tried really hard to not have complete meltdowns and did well. She still had her moments though. Last Wednesday she got home from school and was irritable and just got worse. She kept getting into it with me and her sister off and on all afternoon. Around 6:30 she walked out of her sisters room and went into her closet and wrapped a belt around her neck and was trying to get it over the bar in the closet when I walked in and found her. We got her to the hospital and later that evening came home as she was not suicidal anymore. Thursday afternoon she was hospitalized for suicide attempt. I honestlly thought that was behind us. She had been doing well with everything but I was wrong. Looks like I am always going to have to be on the lookout for that. Hopefully she can come home early next week.

update on medication

We finally got her medication yesterday. I have never seen her so glad to take medicine before. She realizes now that she needs it every day to function correctly...

Mad with medicaid

About 2 weeks ago, it was time to refill Em's invega. Took the prescription to the pharmacy to get refilled and needed a prior authorization. Call the dr to get it and wait a few days. Almost 3 weeks later we still dont have her meds. I have been giving her trileptal but its just not working. She told us this morning that she was feeling suicidal and homocidal and that scares the crap out of me.

Medicaid would pay thousands of dollars for a hospitalization, but doesnt want to pay for meds to allow my child to function??WTF. It just pisses me off so bad and I really cant stand the system. We really need a complete overhaul of Medicaid period.....

Latest update

We have been having some really good days lately. Sometimes I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop and all hell break loose. She has been on Invega for a few weeks and right now it seems to be working. She has missed a couple of doses and by mid afternoon we can tell, she starts to get real agitated at everything and everybody.

She goes to her probation officer next week and as long as she is good between now and then she should be released from it. It has been a long hard year and I hope she has really learned from it. Sometimes I think yes and sometimes I think no. I am trying real hard to let go but sometimes its just hard. I hate this disease and I hate that my child has it but I know that we arent given anything that we cant handle.

Good day yesterday

Yesterday was my birthday and usually birthdays are a source of contention at our house with Emily. She feels like all the attention should be on her. There have been many a ruined day if it was not what she wanted. David and I were going to go out to eat by ourselves but since we usually go out as a family on birthdays, the girls protested at that. I decided for us to go to Bonanza to eat and dreading the usual fights and bad mood from Emily, she was in a good mood for once. We enjoyed the evening out and had a great time.

I am also putting in a call to her psych doc. She has been on Geodon for the last 3 months and lately it has not been working. She has been agressive with her sister like before and now she is hallucinating again. Now she has seen a man in our yard when it was just her and Landon.  She also saw someone walking in the cornfield across the road. We have a dog outside that would let us know if anyone was there and he never saw anything.  When she was having a really bad psychotic break a couple of years ago, she claimed there was a  woman in her mirror, telling her to do awful things to us. It got to the point we had to take all mirrors out of the house so she couldnt see the face anymore. After we moved from that house, she never mentioned that face again. Hopefully soon we can get relief.

New chapter in our lives

I am a licensed hairstylist and have been one for many years. I have been working for the last 18 months in the salon in Walmart, working late nights and weekends. Since school has started back, we have discovered that Emily has not been taking her Geodon daily. She has been taking her Trileptal but not her Geodon. She has really started becoming very agressive and just plain mean to everyone especially to me and her sister. Last Saturday, I got off work early and went home and found Landons daddy here at the house. Everyone but her and Landon was gone. He is not supposed to be here at all. I do not want him at my house when I am here and certainly not when Im gone. After the fight that ensued, I decided to quit my job and start working at a private salon. My husband and I sat down and decided it would be in the childrens best interest for me to quit and do that. Well, Monday after we decided that, I got a phone call from a nursing home I had applied at last month wanting to know if I was still interested in the job. I went and talked to them and decided to take the job. Monday, I start my new job. There is no nights or weekends and I will be through by 3 or 4 the days I work. Honestly, God does know what he is doing.